Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Thank You


Thank all you very much for your support and encouragement. It has meant so very much to me this last month. I appreciate it more than I can ever say.

Miss Sunshine and I have split. She's doing fine. We still talk, but what we had is over. I'm doing well also, but still trying to sort through everything. I know that Time moves on and heals all wounds. I have to borrow pieces of two poems to say what I can't.

Time is engraved on the pale green faces
Of the floating lotus leaves.
Our hearts are a sea, a lake,
Finally a little pond, where
Spider webs interlock over the round leaves,
and below them our longing
Is only a single drop of dew.

Sometimes, suddenly the old story overcomes us.
Time triumphs then,
And lets down its hair --
Shadowy black,
trailing like a willow.

The old melancholy
Comes from the land of longing.
The colors of the sunset thicken.
The shadows grow fast on the water.
The memories of long love
gather like drifting snow,
poignant as the mandarin ducks
that float side by side in sleep.


If Life were fair, we wouldn't lose the love of our life and our best friend at the same time. But, there are somethings that just are the way they are. I promised Sunshine that I would love her as long as she would let me. And I did. I also promised her that I would still love her after that, but wouldn't tell her. So, now it's time to honor that promise too.

Skeeter

PS. To the girl who made a special point to leave her phone number on my desk at work this afternoon. I know you read this blog. I appreciate your trying to cheer me up, but please! For the love of God, the hole in my chest where my heart used to be really does need to heal and close enough so that the wind doesn't whistle through me when I walk. After a few months or so, when I've had time to hit the bottom of this and make what Christopher Sherwell of the Financial Times named "the Dead Cat Bounce", I'll be happy to talk to you about you, your sister, your cousin or even your evil twin.

11 comments:

Harshita said...

Oh! I don't cry tht easily.. but damn! this news leaves me teary eyed :(

I felt so connected to you and Sunshine thru your blog and yours was my ideal lovestory... but then like u said.. u will love her always, no matter wat.. so it still stays the ideal one for me.

You are a great guy, Skeeter.. really you are and am sure, God has some great plans for you too in future and he just sent this setback ur way to test you really bad.

You still are and will be my hero :)

Let me hug you here and tell you that all of us (your friends) are there with you and we wish the best for you.

kylie said...

to lose a best friend is a great loss. i'm so sorry skeeter.

take care and God bless you

k

Employee No. 3699 said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm sending you a big cyber ((Hug)).

Technonana said...

My heart is so broken for you!! Your Love and your best friend!! Life Partner...
I am saddened by this loss for both of you.
I will keep you in my prayers...Asking Him to surround you with Loving Caring Arms.. I know the Lord God hears our cries for mercy..
Praying His will for your life..
Loving You Through Him,
Sharon

Megan said...

Oh, Skeets I'm sorry. I can't believe it.

Cinnamon said...

I am so sorry to hear this news, knowing what heartache you must be bearing.

Cry, cry, cry if you can, for months if you need; it will get easier as the years pass.

Robyn said...

Skeeter! I just get back to blogging and I discover this sad tale! I am truly very sorry that this journey with your life partner has ended. I am though glad you are civil to each other.

This is going to get tough Skeeter, make sure that you have a great support around you. Come blog your emotions if that helps and please make sure you have some to talk to...

We as a blogging communitity are here for you my friend, I send you lots of hugs and I am lifting you both up in prayer. Damn! This really gutted me when I read this...but it's not about me it's about you. Hang in there and if you ever need to talk or yell or vent...well I am here, friend!

Hugs.

Grass said...

Skeeter...

You did not necessarily lose your best friend right? Maybe your relationship with Sunshine won't be the same anymore but I hope things get patched up between you and her. All of your friends can do here is hope for the best.

When Abner and I broke up before, I find this poem by Pablo Neruda heartbreaking. I'm pretty sure you're familiar with this one:

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example,'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voide. Her bright body. Her inifinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.



--take care of yourself Skeeter. Hope you heal soon!


xxx

Leah said...

Skeeter, how on earth did I miss this most important post.

I am very sorry my dear, I've got no words.

Leni Qinan said...

Oh my god, Skeeter, I'm so sorry to hear that! I just can't believe it!

I'm very, very sorry. I know now you're going through a hard time, but believe it or not, time heals everything. And never forget, love may be where you least expect it. So there's always hope to mend a broken heart.

Big hug.

Mel said...

*sending huge hugs and prayers of healing*

Sometimes it just sucks.....

And I'm really and genuinely sorry it's sucking for you right now.