Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Thank all you very much for your support and encouragement. It has meant so very much to me this last month. I appreciate it more than I can ever say.
Miss Sunshine and I have split. She's doing fine. We still talk, but what we had is over. I'm doing well also, but still trying to sort through everything. I know that Time moves on and heals all wounds. I have to borrow pieces of two poems to say what I can't.
Time is engraved on the pale green faces
Of the floating lotus leaves.
Our hearts are a sea, a lake,
Finally a little pond, where
Spider webs interlock over the round leaves,
and below them our longing
Is only a single drop of dew.
Sometimes, suddenly the old story overcomes us.
Time triumphs then,
And lets down its hair --
trailing like a willow.
The old melancholy
Comes from the land of longing.
The colors of the sunset thicken.
The shadows grow fast on the water.
The memories of long love
gather like drifting snow,
poignant as the mandarin ducks
that float side by side in sleep.
If Life were fair, we wouldn't lose the love of our life and our best friend at the same time. But, there are somethings that just are the way they are. I promised Sunshine that I would love her as long as she would let me. And I did. I also promised her that I would still love her after that, but wouldn't tell her. So, now it's time to honor that promise too.
PS. To the girl who made a special point to leave her phone number on my desk at work this afternoon. I know you read this blog. I appreciate your trying to cheer me up, but please! For the love of God, the hole in my chest where my heart used to be really does need to heal and close enough so that the wind doesn't whistle through me when I walk. After a few months or so, when I've had time to hit the bottom of this and make what Christopher Sherwell of the Financial Times named "the Dead Cat Bounce", I'll be happy to talk to you about you, your sister, your cousin or even your evil twin.