Thursday, May 29, 2008

Heat & Air

Got home from the long trip to New York and went inside to unpack everything. It was hot ... expected that. The thermometer registered a balmy 91 which perfectly matched the outdoor temperature ... didn't expect that because we had left the air conditioner set to cool at 78.

Called the Heat and Air guys. They came fashionably late of course, arriving just in time for the hottest time of day. A half an hour of oooing and ahhing brought the diagnosis.

"Unit looks real bad. Such a nice neighborhood too. Cost ... um ... plenty money to fix."

So, I asked for a second opinion.

The Stoned Ranger of West 149th ate a bowl of crazy the next morning and unleashed himself on my ... Unit. Add to that alarmingly unnatural sensation ... another half hour of sweltering Oklahoma humidity, drowning in my own sweat, sinking in despair, listening to my birds singing "Death to the neon white Monkeyman", before a shriek of discovery peals out!

"Hot diggity damn Loretta! There ain't no freon in this thing."

"No shit, Sherlock" having already been claimed, I had nothing else to say. My Unit was ... dry ... and useless.

"Just so's ya know, this is going to be reeeal expensive to fix. Yep, you're gonna need a whole new ... Unit."

"How expensive?"

The figure he quoted reached so far up my backside, my jiggling spleen felt the seconds of stupefied silence ticking off one by one on his watch.

So I thought about it through one more hellish day of heat and then ... I got one, a new Unit, from a pair of miscreants named Little John and the Bagman. It's a big, beautiful, brand new Unit that makes me feel proud to sport all four rompin' stompin' tons of it!

It was proudly made in the good old USA by Union Labor. Boo ya!

Me and the Mrs. are enjoying the new Unit ... and are nice and comfy now. Thank you very much.


Lavinia Ladyslipper said...

Oh dear, Skeeter, that is too bad about your unit conking out, and really bad timing too.

I am with you...there is no choice but to bite the bullet, pay up, and be comfortable. One needs air conditioning, no question. Here's hoping your new unit lasts years and years!

Marisa said...

I'm always glad to here about your unit.

Maria said...

We live in a very old home and have window units, so no central air. I have often wished for it, though. Those window units are deafeningly LOUD.

We have one in our bedroom, in Liv's room and in our downstairs dining room. The one and only time I had central air was when I lived alone in a swanky townhouse. I still remember how wonderful it felt to walk from room to room and have it be uniformly cool. Now, we freeze in the room with the unit and each room gets warmer and warmer as you walk away. get central air would break us we deal with it.

How in the hell did the pioneers do it?

Eva said...

I wish I had a, um, unit. That would be cool.

Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

Mrs4444 said...

Glad to hear that your new unit is in working order and pleasing both you and your wife!

Suzanne said...

Well I just read all 5 comments and if I hear one more reference to your damn "unit" I'm going to scream. Okay, here's number six, "No shit, that's a mighty good lookin' unit ya got there Sherlock!"

I'll stop while I'm ahead. Glad to know you and the family are finally comfortable...and in debt like most of us. One of your fans asked "How in the hell did the pinoneers do it?" They died at an early age just to end their misery. Who can blame them?!

Great post as always. Talk to you soon.

XO Suze

Wifey said...

We have two units for our house. One is working and the other works when it feels like it. I've been in denial, but maybe you've inspired me. Smiles!

NouveauBlogger said...

Central Air rules in CT. I can only imagine how necessary it must be down there! And don't get me started on expensive home repairs, lol.

CIELO said...

Hope some cool breeze have come your way by now and you are feeling more refresh...

we are in the 40's here (AGAIN!)--for goodness sakes; are we gonna have summer this year?????


bindhiya said...

Dear Skeeter,
Nice to hear you and family enjoying a new unit....and union made! hubby buy union made stuff only even groceries....
have a nice week
love and ((hugs))