A Poopie Practice

Have you ever seen the man who boldly, confidently strides through the hallways at Work, a newspaper tucked under his arm, a cell phone going jingle-jangle-jingle on his belt loop, and a single-minded focus on reaching the restroom as elegantly, yet as quickly as decorum permits? Why? It's simple. There's an old Corporate Theory that says you do everything, including #2, on Company time. This works well enough for weekdays, but makes for some exceedingly uncomfortable weekends, especially those of the three day holiday variety.

We have a few subscribers to this Theory working for us at the Corporation. One such person, Mr. Guilderfleece, reads the entire paper (including circling want ads for that next best job to come) while perched upon the porcelain throne. For the life of me though, I can't imagine what could be so important that he has to talk about it on that cell phone from inside a restroom stall?

There are times when it doesn't pay to ask such questions. Today was one of those days.

Mr. Guilderfleece pulled back into the office from his morning Constitutional holding a bit of ill gotten booty over his head. Apparently at some point during the Sports page, he dropped the Lifestyle page. When Guilderfleece reached for his Lifestyle, he found a wallet down there. Not immediately knowing who its owner was, and being the Good Samaritan that he resolves to be, he opened the wallet to look for an ID. There was one in the featured, plastic-protected slot right in the front of the wallet. It was a photo membership card from a nudist colony in New Mexico. Maybe there's more to nudism than meets the eye, exactly how I can't imagine - having seen the photograph. I had to insist that Guilderfleece quit looking for more ... photo identification ... and contact the rightful owner of the wallet.

Guilderfleece used the Corporate Email Address Book and soon located the owner of the wallet, one Mr. Frank Wiggly. Franklin, as he says his friends call him, works in another building altogether, and just visits our building for the facilities - in the mornings, five days a week, that is.