Thursday, October 09, 2008

Friday Fragments

What is the worst thing you ever queued up for?



I was next in line to the register at our friendly neighborhood Super Wally World, minding my own business, reading all about Hollywood hootchies in the tabloids. All of the sudden, the lady working the register shouted "Oh God! Oh God!". She waved her hand in front of her face. The first thing I thought was Christ on Bike the mother f**ker in front of me is robbing this g*d damned store and I'm gonna kill him with a can of chili. Register Lady wails "Oh God! Oh God!" waving her hand in front of her face EMPHATICALLY. The short, sloppy man in front of men hops from leg to leg uncomfortably. No firearm in his hand yet, but why wait for it ... I cock my arm to smite this Puke with a 12 ounce can of spicy Wolf brand Chili with beans. Then it struck me ... it was like an open sewer only ... fresher. The smell was so intense, my eyes were burning. The sad little man in front of me clenched his backside with one hand and worked a credit card into the reader with the other. There was a BEEP of acceptance, and the Cashier stabbed a finger at the red ENTER button. The machine whirred and the cash drawer popped open. The bleary eyed Cashier snatched the register receipt printing out of the top of the machine, and whispered in breathy gasps, "Thank you for shopping at Wally World. Please come again". The sawed off little shit of a man hopped off with his plastic sack of crap. One of his friends walked beside him inspecting the sad man's backside. He kept saying the word "espeso" in rapid fire sentences punctuated with twirled R flourishes. Babelfish translator says that is Spanish for "soupy" and ... I believe it. I sat the can of chili down on the conveyor and watched it ride up to the register alone. The minimum wage Cashier said, "I hate it when that happens." So do I, sister ... so do I.

13 comments:

kylie said...

i can only die a slow death in sympathy for that poor fella

maybe "cheers" isnt the best way to say goodbye this time?

hooroo :)

Jagjit said...

Hmmmmmmmmmmm

CIELO said...

Hi....hopping by on Hopeful Friday to say hi!:)

Have a blessed weekend, Skeeter!

cielo

Employee No. 3699 said...

I think that man had a can of spicy Wolf brand Chili with beans for lunch...

Tammy W said...

OMG!!!!! Oh my oh my oh my!

Maria said...

Oh...how embarrassing...

Kookaburra said...

How awful!
Shouldn't the Post title read;

Friday Fragrance??

Cecile said...

Damn you, I'm in such a delicate balance of sanity today. I go from sobs of greif to sobs of uncontrolled laughter when I read this. Thanks. I needed that laugh on such a hard day.

TerriRainer said...

WTF???? Does this happen OFTEN to her? OMG!

Talk about good blog fodder.

:) Terri

BOOMER SOONER!

zirelda said...

Oh my word....

I've seen that happen before.

You poor brave soul.

Lavinia said...

Are you saying that man c***pped in his pants? Gee, I'm so glad that I wasn't in that line, and that particular experience has never occurred when I was in a line! I would *definitely* be moving to another line, pretty darn quick.

On another note, I admire your quick bravery and readiness to be a hero. Although I'm not so sure that a can of chili would be an equal match for a revolver. Better to perhaps hit the deck and live to eat another bowl??

Eva said...

I um, uh, yeah. Ew. And also: WTF?

Monkey Toe Momma said...

EEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww!